I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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