What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
