i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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