so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
