We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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