I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
