there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
