..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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