I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
