God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
