I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
