I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
