In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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