there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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