The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Randomize
