Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
