Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
