Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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