Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
