Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
