Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
