Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
