I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
