I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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