I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's just like the Real World with babies
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
