Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
