Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
