I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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