Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
