i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
