i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
