is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
