Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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