The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
