I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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