is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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