But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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