tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
