Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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