I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
