Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well I just put wine in my tea
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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