U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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