Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
