i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
