He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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