at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
