I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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