U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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