Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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