Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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