And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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