so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
